Doggy Socks and Hats with Ears

Over the years we’ve had quite a few pets at our house.  Of those that lived more than a month, we’ve had ferrets, chameleons, a gecko, the @!^&)#@$ rabbit, a dog, a love bird, a cockatiel, a parrot, russian tortoises, turtles, a bearded dragon, and a whole bunch of fish tanks. 

We were in the pet store shopping for the critters the other day and I noticed the clothing aisle for dogs keeps expanding.  It seems dogs have finally found their fashion sense and have been secretly designing wardrobes for years.  Who knew?  Unless you’re a porn star, owning a fur coat also requires you have an outfit to go with it.  Apparently, sitting around licking their butts isn’t all they do while we’re gone!  (Now I’ll have to use clorox wipes on my pinking shears.) 

I was doing quite well just chuckling to myself over the doggy bling until I came across……….

Dog socks.  Yep, socks for dogs with little rubber paw prints.  A set of four. (I can’t keep my dryer from eating one from each pair.  Keeping four socks together would be a nightmare!)  I had to hurry through the store to find my husband with tears in my eyes.  I kept getting this vision of a dog in a t-shirt, briefs, and socks reliving Tom Cruise’s scene from that movie where he slides across the floor after his parents leave.   Now in all fairness, Prancer is getting old and has trouble keeping her balance on slick floors.  When she runs through the kitchen she makes sure she pounces from rug to rug so she doesn’t slip.  While the socks might prevent her from pretending she’s Tom Cruise, they could keep her from sliding right into the opposite wall while running through the kitchen.  On the other hand, if Prancer had been wearing dog socks when I had been cleaning the rabbit cage she would have had wet soggy doggy socked feet!  

In case you’re wondering, I did not buy the doggy socks for Prancer (copious amounts of fluids and solids would have spewed forth had I tried to put them on her) but I did debate the little doggy rain coat.  After all, she does hate to pee when it’s raining outside.  In the end, I decided against that one too.  Peeing in the rain is less traumatic than having a rain coat strapped to your tummy and I doubt she’d hold it long enough for me to get her in it.

With doggy socks fresh in my mind, my husband and I trekked out for date night last night.  As I’m sipping my caramel machiatto substitute, I flip through a knitting magazine and find a pattern for……….

. . . a knitted doggy hat complete with scarf and ear pockets.  Chuckling in public is becoming a trend.  First, we all know the trouble I have with hat gauge.  I can just see my poor dog pouncing through the leaves with a hat down around her snout.  Then I realize the poor schnauzer in the picture is probably laying down because he can’t walk without tripping over his scarf.  Shouldn’t there be a dog height to scarf ratio?   And if the poor thing does walk, he can’t hear his human calling for him because he has alpaca merino in his ears!  I can just imagine dogs all over the world asking, “Do you think this hat makes my ears look big?”  Do you think Italian Bull Dogs named Brutus wear scarf hats?  “Wha choo lookin at?”

Then it occurs to me that if my dog owned socks, hats, and a rain coat, wouldn’t  I need to buy a dresser for it?  Why isn’t the pet store selling doggy dressers?   Would the dresser need a mirror so she could see how she looks in her hat?  Will she be doing her own laundry?  Will she refuse to pee because she doesn’t have a thing to wear?  If she goes out only in a fur coat is she naked?  Will I get arrested for indecent doggy exposure?  Will I have to move to a nudist colony to own a dog?  Do dog prom dresses have flaps for butt sniffing?  What does one wear to the vet?  Shouldn’t the vet be providing doggy gowns?  Would they be open in the front or the back?  Is this a trend?  Will my fish soon need swim suits?

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Tags: dog clothing, dog hats, dog socks